Children's Book

I'm mulling over the idea of writing a children's book for the grandbabies. The working title is Fudge Face and the Grey Menace. I have an idea for the plot in my head. I may make this a summer creative project. Any thoughts about what the title might refer to?

Little Petri Dishes

I noticed a strange pattern. Every time I spend a significant amount of time (3-4 hours) around the grandbabies, I get a nasty cold. Happened last month when taking them to the Children's Museum and  it occurred again a couple of weeks ago after we celebrated an early Easter. I usually come down with symptoms 70 hours after seeing them. Not having spent a great deal of time around children, I do not have the antibodies to combat their germs. Perhaps I should either wash my hands more or visit them encased in a plastic bubble.

All of the Fun, None of the Responsilbilty

We had a interesting family outing at Winter Island the other day. We walked around, looked at the boats in the harbor, saw the little fishes swimming around the dock, had a picnic in the camping area, and eventually walked along the little beach there. All was well until the twins decided to get a little adventuress. As usual, the twins worked out their ruse together. Lucy dropped her stuffed bunny, in order to keep her mother occupied. Ellie, in her father's care, was squirming in his grasp, so he put her down for a moment and turned to ask his wife a question. A second was all it took for Ellie to bolt sideways away from the group and ran into the water. Lucy did the same but ran the other direction. Seeing that there were four adults, we broke off into pairs to chase the little ones down. Ellie got in the water the farthest. She was in up to her armpits before Theresa ran into the freezing water to get her. Needless to say, both were soaked. Til fared little better, Lucy didn't get in as far as her sisiter, but still was pretty wet.

Both parents were soaked,shivering, and fuming. The twins were happy, giggling  and no worse for wear. And what were their grandparents doing while this was happening? Nothing but sitting on the beach, dry and laughing. Why? See the above title.

Outsmarted by Two Year Olds

The fact that I would get roped into going to kid-friendly places with the grandbabies was inevitable. Seeing that I was so opposed to going to Chuck E Cheese, Big T suggested that we all go to the Children's Museum in Boston instead. It wasn't that bad. The toddler section wasn't really museum-like at all, more like a big play area with all kinds of toys and things for lil' anklebiters to climb. Theresa and I sat around, not really looking after the kids, just chitchatting about books and TV to kill time. I discovered that I was wanted around  to look after the twins per se, but to be a companion to my step daughter, someone to keep her sane and entertained whilst navigating kiddieland. All in all, our outing was uneventful. Theresa dropped me off at my house and went home to feed the kids. And now the real fun began.

Fifteen minutes after I was dropped off, my cellphone rang. It was Theresa, sounding very odd, a little panicked. She said can you come over? Now? I dropped what I was doing and hightailed it over in four minutes flat. When pulling up I noticed two firetrucks and an equal number of police cars around her residence. Dread flooded my veins as I approached the building but as I got closer I noticed something funny. All of the emergency personal assembled were grinning, a few laughing, as they pointed at Theresa's car. Said parent was sitting on the hood of the car, her head in her hands, what could be seen of her face bright red from embarrassment. "What's wrong, Theresa? " She doesn't look at me, she just gestures resignedly behind her. I now saw the cause of the commotion. Elie and Lucy were in the front seats of the car, pretending to drive, pushing buttons on the dashboard, beeping the horn incessantly while waving to the firefighters. Apparently, while trying to get the kids out of the cars, Lucy distracted Theresa by dropping her pacifier on the ground. While diverted Ellie lifted the car keys out of Theresa's pocket. Unbeknownst to her, Theresa locked one of the doors and before she could get to the other side of the car, Ellie managed to close and lock the other door. Theresa, frantic at finding her kids locked in the car from the inside, did the only thing she could think to do, call the police. It took them thirty minutes to unlock the car. It took another day and a half to wipe the smile off my face and Grandpa is still laughing about it. Too funny.

A Recent Conversation via iphone

Theresa: Hey, I want to take the kids out somewhere fun for their birthday. Meet us at Chuck E. Cheese at 1?
Laura: (silence)
Theresa: Are you there?
Laura: No. Oh, hell no.
Theresa: Dude, what's wrong?
Laura: I'm not going to fucking Chuck E. Cheese. It's the sixth circle of hell.
Theresa: It's not so bad. Loved it as a kid.
Laura: How old were you when you first went there?
Theresa: Dunno, about eight or so. My mom would take us. Dad flat out refused to go.
Laura: Smart fella but seriously. The twins were scared of that big Elmo plushie at Mall Tots the other day. How do you think they will react to a six and half foot sewer rat in a bowler hat and ugly vest?

Why so young?

I know. It sounds very strange that I am a grandmother of four at the ripe old age of thirty-seven. Let me assure you that I am not a medical marvel, a freak of nature, nor was I a preteen mother. I married into this position. My husband, Ken, is twenty-one years my senior. In our case, the age difference works for us. I have always been called wise beyond my years and he often has the sense of humor of a twelve year old so after being together for eleven years (five shacking up, six married), we have achieved a happy marital balance. Ken is the father of two daughters a couple of years younger than myself. That was their only criteria they had regrading their father's love life, that his girlfriends or brides be older than they. The girls, Rachel and Theresa have two children apiece. Rachel lives in Oregon. She had Madeline, a beautiful seventeen year old who was raised by her paternal grandparents, when she was eighteen. Rachel also has a son, Asher, who is five. He resides with his biological maternal grandmother in Nevada.Theresa and her little family recently emigrated from Germany to Massachusetts. She, along with her adorable Bavarian husband and twin daughters, Ellie and Lucy, age two now live exactly one mile from our house.

I never had any interest in having children. I realized this at an early age. Never liked playing with dolls, never played house pretending to have a doting husband and children. I'm the youngest child so I never had the experience of watching younger siblings. Anyways, I despised babysitting. I only did it two times. I use to watch a three year old boy across the street when I was thirteen. Changing his diaper terrified me. I was so afraid I would accidentally brush against his tiny penis that I flat out refused to change him. In disdain or pain, not sure which, he would take off his own diaper and run around naked. I was okay with that. Anything but having to actually come in physical contact with it. After the first time his parents came home to a very soggy fella but when his parents came home and saw him peeing on the kitchen floor while I was obliviously watching TV the second, I was promptly fired. I was relieved and I'm sure the little boy was as well.

Now I have two little ones running around my house a couple times a week under my care. I have mixed feelings about this predicament. On one hand it's great. The twins are entertaining and very sweet. On the other hand is the chaos they represent. In this blog, I want to share how I am coping with this new lifestyle. I have been inadvertently initiated into The MotherHood; BabyLand if you prefer, two milestones I have been trying to avoid for twenty years and now it is thrust upon me by close proximity. I am truly embarking on a new journey, experiencing a new stage in my life. I don't know what will happen but it's sure to be an interesting ride.